When Life Doesn’t Go According To Plan

I have been thinking, recently, about what has been labelled “The Stages of Grief.”  In brief, these are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  They are a natural response to any form of loss be it bereavement, failure of our hopes and dreams or even a loss of independence.  These stages of grief are not linear.  We can experience them randomly, non-sequentially or not at all.

There is, however, one of the stages that has been troubling me : Acceptance. This blog is about where I have got to in my thinking about acceptance. I want to say at the outset, this is not definitive, I recognize that I still have a lot of thinking to do about it. I also would point out this is where I am on the subject. You may be at a different place, and that is okay.  I do not want to tell you how you should be feeling.  I offer this as my thoughts, my feelings and my experience.  If this helps you process your thoughts and feelings, then I am glad.  If it doesn’t, then just ignore it!

How Did I Get Here?

Ever asked yourself that question?

There are moments in life when everything feels uncertain—when prayers seem unanswered, doors close without explanation, and the path ahead is hidden in fog. In these seasons, acceptance can feel less like peace and more like surrendering to something we never wanted.

But acceptance is not passive resignation. It is an active trust in God’s sovereignty, even when His plans are beyond our understanding.

Acceptance Is Not Approval

One of the hardest truths to grasp is that accepting a situation doesn’t mean we agree with it or that it is good in itself. Pain, loss, injustice—these things grieve the heart of God too. Acceptance simply means we stop resisting reality and begin inviting God into it.

Jesus Himself modelled this in Gethsemane: “Not my will, but Yours be done.” (Luke 22 vs. 42).  He did not welcome suffering—but He entrusted Himself to the Father within it.

God Works Within What We Wish Away

We often pray for God to remove difficult circumstances. Sometimes He does. But often, He chooses to work through them instead.

This can feel frustrating, even cruel, until we begin to see that God’s primary concern is not our comfort, but our transformation. Trials refine faith, deepen dependence, and reshape our character in ways ease never could.

Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works in all things for good—not that all things are good.

Letting Go Of Control

Anne Lamott once observed;

The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.

(Anne Lamott – Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith)

Often, in my circumstances, I seek to control them for myself rather than letting God work through them.

Troubling circumstances expose how little control we truly have. Acceptance begins when we release the illusion that we were ever in control to begin with.

This doesn’t mean we stop caring or trying. It means we stop striving to force outcomes and instead remain faithful in what is in front of us.

There is a quiet strength in saying:
“I don’t understand this, but I trust You in it.”

Finding Peace In The Middle, Not The End

We often delay peace, telling ourselves we’ll feel okay once the situation changes. But Christian peace is not tied to resolution—it is rooted in presence.

God does not always lead us out immediately. Often, He walks with us through.

Acceptance allows us to experience that presence now, not just someday.

A Different Kind of Victory

The world defines victory as overcoming obstacles. But in the Kingdom of God, sometimes victory looks like endurance. Like faith that doesn’t collapse under pressure. Like hope that persists in the dark.

Acceptance is not defeat. It is alignment—choosing to stand where God has placed us, trusting that He is still at work.